Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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