He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
