I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
