perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
