She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
