my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
