i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
