i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
