i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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