Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
