dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
