the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
