My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
