Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
