her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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