Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
