It's Friday. Sex?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
