Where did you get a picture of my penis
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
