Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
