Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
