you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
