i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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