Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize