I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
