there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
