grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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