youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
