just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
