When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
