She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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