No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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