my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn