final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*