I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
