I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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