it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
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I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.