i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.