I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
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I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP