If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject