Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
did you just send me my own nude
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
