Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
