my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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