I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
