she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Randomize
