there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
