A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she was so not down for the gang bang
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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