8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
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he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol