i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
