; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
