I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
