Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
