just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
