if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
