before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
its liver damage thursday
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
