he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
