my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
