I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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