Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
