you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
