New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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