Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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