My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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