Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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