cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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