look no pants
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
whose ass print is on the piano?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
