my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
