My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
