OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
