The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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