I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
