Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
