So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
