someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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