wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I stole a fireplace last night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
