Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
