He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
